Broken toe just another stub in life
Hodge Podge by Charlie Hodge
I don’t have to hop in the car, nearly commit hara-kiri by attempting to drive to my doctor’s office (located in the most insane find-your-way-into mall), then wait until she can see me. Finally, when she does, lovely as she is, she will bend over, look at it, ‘hmmmm’ loudy, then wisely surmise she is going to send me for x-rays. At that point I would then travel with my wounded foot all the way to either the massive x-ray barracks at KGH or a distantly located x-ray office somewhere else. Once located a very polite younger person would greet me, give me some scant strange dull blue clothes to barely wear, then hide in a sealed room while I get gamma fried.
The fine young person running the x-ray show would politely tell me they’ve got the picture they need (my pic-my body) but tell me they can’t tell me what it says. I must talk to my doctor. However by this point she has gone home, and I can’t find out – so I would then follow suit – and go home.
So, instead, I will just stay home and save all the fussing about.
I don’t need to do all that running about to know what I know – it’s broke. I broke my big right toe good this time.
Yup I broke my toe about a half an hour ahead of Tez attempting to melt her finger off a tray still in the oven. Both of the accidents were preventable, both because we weren’t paying full attention and now we are riding the accident caboose on the lame train. We are both feeling so sorry for ourselves and have yet to send any pity support the other way.
Welcome to the next morning. I decided that my toe hurt so much I would go to bed and finish this column in the morning. Grand plan except I never slept all night because the toe hurt too much and kept me awake. Now I am simply still in pain but exhausted. Another well planned procedure by moi. The anti-inflammatory pain killer pills I’ve had in my drawer since my last stumble and bash incident are starting to look good.
The reason for this yarn is simply to remind folks to take care and play safe even in their home. All I simply did was knock my heavy oxygen container off the desk and onto my sock covered toe, head connector point first. My vast, creative and dark vocabulary has not diminished over the years.
Tez was briefly distracted by my self-pity moaning and groaning and used an oven mitt rather than glove to remove her piping hot dinner. A mitt malfunction immediately led to a compromising crimson condition. While she gave a good effort her dark vocabulary was pretty tame compared to mine.
Ironically, Tez and I have played out this duo damage display before. I broke the same toe some 15 years ago, though much more dramatically back then. In that dumb display of self-destruction I dropped the entire end of a heavy slate pool table onto my barefoot. The pavement below my foot did not give way either which meant the toe did. It took about five years for the nail to grow back properly.
I think this scenario should only take a year or two.
Of course our wounds have arrived at just the perfect time to further slow down our favourite passion of planting and weeding the gardens.
This potential procrastination opportunity may mean suggesting time spent analyzing how to go about the yard work safe and productively. Clearly a lawn chair and beverage may be in order. Not to mention checking in on the hockey game as a distraction from the pain.
Hopefully our digital damages will be healed by Sunday, May 28 so that Tez and I can spoil ourselves to a night of amazing music. That’s when you can listen to some of the best harmonies anywhere by Rachel Matkin and Barry Mathers. The dynamic duo of Dirt Road Opera and previously The Cruzeros are working regularly of late as a duo while they prepare for another album.
I personally believe Barry Mathers is the best current Canadian songwriter – no matter the style. Barry shines creatively crafting knockout tunes on a regular basis, sharing his pins and needles vocals with brilliant lyrics. Well worth the listen.
You can catch them at another Rann Barry hosted night of music in the Back Room of the Dakoda’s Pub starting at 7 p.m. on May 28.