Home Contributing Writers GONZO DICTIONARY – Modern Meanings for Mismanaged Minds

GONZO DICTIONARY – Modern Meanings for Mismanaged Minds

What We Really Mean When We Say....

by Linda Schaab

When placing a call, do you sometimes find yourself at an embarrassing loss for words when that person answers?

…Rich Hall, from the 1980s HBO series “Not Necessarily the News,” has created a word for this problem – he calls it phonesia.

Rich Hall has also given us the useful word, carperpetuation, which, he says, is the act of running the vacuum over a string of lint dozens of times, reaching over to pick it up , examining it, and then putting it down to give the vacuum one last chance…

Listed below are more words common to our vernacular, but with implied definitions you won’t find in any dictionary:

Bicyclers – Careless individuals on two wheels that motorists are expected to somehow avoid hitting.

Car DancingA form of attention-getting behavior generally considered more  acceptable than nude air guitar.

Freak Flag –  Bizarreness; as in ‘Let your freak flag fly.’ (See Sarah Palin)

Kama SutraThe only piece of literature your kids would actually choose to  study in school.

ShitteranianMy dog, a Shitzu/Pomeranian cross. (Courtesy of my daughter,  Leah Schaab)

Slumpadinka – A woman who dresses as though she has completely given up on herself. (Courtesy of Oprah)

Snitch-Ass-Dog – The canine at the airport that is only too happy to rat you out for possession because he thinks he’s going to get sex as a reward.

Turn signal – A mechanical device destined for obsolescence due to the fact  that many drivers use them only rarely, if ever.

Tusk – A male member of the band. (Courtesy of Fleetwood Mac)

Twit – Any person who twitters.



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